Are you tired of looking for coffee that will give you that kick in the ass to get your day going? Is that gas station garbage just not making the cut? We know that one place with the ugly green thing on it tastes like drunk prom queens and depression, so hopefully that's not your only source.
You need True Grit! You want a kick in the ass to grab the day by the balls and crush its soul? Then you get True Grit! It's a powerful blend with a higher caffeine content than other coffees. (The best part, it doesn't taste like a donkey's ass, but you don't have to tell people that.)
Bittersweet chocolate, black tea, and raisin.