Warp Fuel

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  • Regular price $15.00

Ah, you know what sucks? No, not a vacuum cleaner—although, yes, technically. I'm talking about the daily grind, folks! A never-ending loop of waking up, contemplating life choices, and going back to bed. It's like a rom-com without the 'com' or the 'rom.'

But what if I told you that we’ve got beans—yes, coffee beans—that underwent a "Freaky Friday" switcheroo, but in a way that doesn't involve cringy life lessons? These little wonders grew right here on good ol' Earth, but get this—they got absolutely bombarded by our sun’s rays. Imagine coffee beans doing their best Superman impression, soaking up the sun like they're on spring break, and turning into a liquid alarm clock for your soul.

Introducing the elixir of your dreams and the nightmare of your lethargy: Warp Fuel Coffee. Now, these beans, kissed by our very own sun, have become what we in the coffee aficionado world call 'Rocket Fuel for Lazy Asses.'

Funny story: an engineer aboard the spaceship I'm-Too-Lazy-to-Name spilled this coffee into the warp core. Guess what? The ship didn’t just speed up; it practically teleported, going from Warp 3 to a jaw-dropping Warp 15! Everyone on board got a face lift from the speed alone! Thankfully, the ship's safety systems are more reliable than my WiFi, so no one was turned into a human frisbee. The only hiccup? The ship's karaoke machine auto-selected "Never Gonna Give You Up," and nobody knew how to turn it off. Yep, they got Rickrolled by coffee.

So if you're tired of feeling like a sloth riding a tortoise, it's time to pour yourself a cup of Warp Fuel. Rumor has it, some no-goodnik aliens called the Zorquids are sniffing around to nab our secret weapon. So, by drinking this, you're not just turbo-charging your day; you’re becoming a galactic hero.

Warp Fuel Coffee. Because you're not just drinking coffee; you're drinking solar-kissed, warp-speed, defend-the-galaxy coffee. Get it, drink it, love it—but whatever you do, don’t pour it into your car's gas tank. Trust me on this one.

Country of Origin: Ethiopia
Roast: Light
Tasting Notes: Blueberry, Blackberry, Red Plum

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